Marriage is a beautiful thing!!! It is a union ordained by God and one he takes very seriously. If you have listened to our podcast you have probably heard me talking about the hardships of marriage and the many trials and tribulations that I personally have been through in my own marriage. I don’t mean to run anyone off or have them apprehensive about marriage but I feel people need to know the truth. If they did and were prepared for it maybe Americas divorce rate wouldn’t be at 50%. So let,s get into the numbers; the average marriage in America last only 8 years, the average age for couples to go through a divorce is 30 years old, 70 percent of women cheat and 72 percent of men cheat or have affairs, living together before getting married increases your divorce rate by 40 percent. Also; your age, education level, state you live in, race, whether or not you have children all play a role in your lovely union that God wants you to keep together. Whew!! Jesus take the wheel! With all that against you (and so much more) how do you prepare or react when the unexpected happens? Here I talk about two things that threw me off guard and how I reacted to each one.
Oh those wonderful long baths, those split second decisions to do what I wanted when I wanted and how I wanted slowly dwindle to a “Uh let me check my schedule”. When you get married you have to pencil in your me time and understand how it will affect your family. For example, if I want a massage, I will think about it for at least a month before I finally decide. Im thinking about the money, the time, the scheduling, childcare all of these factors now have to go into this once simple decision. I mean sweating bullets, lol. Not really but close to it. I responded to this sudden lack of me time by realizing I NEED IT. No, you can’t have as much but that doesn’t mean cut it out completely. It’s not selfish if you leave for a while to get your mind right and is actually very healthy for your family. I had to communicate to my husband that I needed me time because of course they can not read our minds. Sometimes they may be oblivious to how much you actually do for the family that you may have to bring it to their attention. Whether they agree or disagree you have put out in the atmosphere how much you give others into comparison of how much you give yourself. Let it be known, If I don’t get out of here now, all my screws will be loose and be prepared to bring the pastor in for a deep holy purging because I am on the edge at this very moment. Not as dramatic, but for the sake of your marriage and sanity please take and enjoy any time that you may have. Even if it is in the car and you take the long way home on purpose.
Alrighty lets get into the good stuff. Children can kill your sex life, just being honest. It did for me. I saw it as my husband can fend for himself but this new baby can’t. So naturally all my time went into the kids not to mention those lovely new family members called bills and jobs with benefits. In college it seemed like doing it three times a day everyday or every other day was an easy feat. I mean acrobatic about it, not a hair would be out of place, make up flawless, I showed up ready to go. My husband (before he was my husband #preJesusdays) would get annoyed at me because I would come to his dorm dressed to the nines at 1am and I wouldn’t come relaxed or casual aka pajama wear. But oh how the tables have turned, the dreaded lazy side booty, half sleep, aunt Jemima bonnet, unshaved in multiple areas Christina has reared its ugly head. However convenient this new person is its not the healthiest and could do harm if it becomes a normalcy. One day I complained to a co-worker of how long and unfair my duties as a wife were. Here is how the conversation went: “ Look…I get up, get myself ready and half way decent, get both kids ready, make breakfast, make lunches, go to work, deal with these hellish kids everyday for eight hours, not to mention dealing with the people you work with, get off, go to the gym so my body will be half way right, go home make dinner, clean up (hardest part for me), wash clothes, do dishes, bathe, get my Lord and savior Jesus Christ his time and on top of that you have to give him a standing ovation performance in the bedroom, it’s too much!!!” Her response, “ And you have to do it.” Ughhh, you could have mopped me up off the floor at that very moment but I knew she was telling the truth. As a wife your responsibilities double if not triple and you can not neglect your love life. So how I responded to this conflict is one, I started scheduling early “sessions” and utilized the lock on the door and a thing called Netflix for the kids. For me, not being tired and being at the peak of my day allows me to be more involved sexually. I also started getting “pretty” or “done up” for me. I got to a place where I was tired of seeing myself busted all the time so I would dress nice and do my makeup to satisfy me but the effects carried over to my husband. Also, you have to get creative, in God eyes the bedroom is undefiled between a MARRIED couple, emphases on married because if you giving it up without a commitment then your bedroom looks like the worse alley in NYC. There are so many factors you can change up in your love life to spice it up that it is sure to keep things interesting, but I’ll save that for another post.
All in all how you respond to conflict in your relationship is one of the most important factors to a healthy marriage, because conflict is guaranteed to arise. If not now, later, if not you, him. It could be dealing with money now or dealing with death later. Just be prepared to respond and think about healthy responses to different issues. And if all else fails go back to your foundation and that fact that your marriage is built on a promise by God, and if you are equally yoked and your marriage was ordained coming to a healthy conclusion is possible.
I hope and pray that you were blessed through this post. Please feel free to leave comments or ask questions down below. Love you all!!!